it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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