Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
