New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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