You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
