You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
