That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
