So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
