swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
