Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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