That's when you crack a 10am beer
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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