Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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