If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
