theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize