i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
send nudes
from the living room?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize