I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize