My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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