im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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