"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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