I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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