I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
