yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
