My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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