Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
