When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
