Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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