i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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