Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
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