seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize