Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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