Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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