I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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