hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
