Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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