Kareoke will never be a sober sport
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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