no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
