god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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