nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
