I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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