Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
