dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
