You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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