True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
