That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
