Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize