I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
