I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
