yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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