Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize