to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize