Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
only if we run a train.
done.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
