I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
