Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
