who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
