this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
