I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
the liver wants what the liver wants
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
