nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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