Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
