when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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