remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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