You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize