Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
