I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
