I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
