the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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