you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
