It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
