Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
zippers are such a cool invention
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
