so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
