Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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