The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
