My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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