All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize