Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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