he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
