I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
