Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
