My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Where did you get a picture of my penis
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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