Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
