Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
