youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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