he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
