Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
