Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
