Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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