he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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