you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
