eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
