i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i was born a porn star she said
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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