My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize