I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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