my shit smells like andre
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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