tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
