i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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