you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
