I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
