so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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