I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
