Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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