you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
