Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This girl is more easily done than said...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
