i don't plan on having that self control this summer
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
