I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
