somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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