sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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