goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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