ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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